He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
