So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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