so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
