thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize