I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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