Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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