let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
