I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
