something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
