I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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