We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
