To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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