Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
