Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
