so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
