Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize