i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
