new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
