im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Pooping to opera.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize