She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Someone signed my nipple.
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