matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
