i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
