dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
