just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
