White coat. Heels.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
