And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize