guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
