you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
