I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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