I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
