I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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