Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
