It's like God shit irony all over that family
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
