I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
