I am puke
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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