GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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