I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
