quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
