were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
