I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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