I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't shave. On purpose
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
