Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
