I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
