two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
