This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
false alarm, still single
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize