Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
