A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
