I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
