Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jerry, you need to find god
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
