The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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