he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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