I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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