if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
