drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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