So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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