There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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