im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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