gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
