Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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