Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
