just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have tasted many bathrooms
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
