You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize