So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
