At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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