I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
