Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
