what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
