Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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