why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
