so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
