I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
