Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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