bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
