If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
