Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
