this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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