I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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