Non-Jews are for practice
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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