Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
