well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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