It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just found a bag of teeth...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
