Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You need Xanax blowdarts
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
