are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
