I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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