smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
