guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
