I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dick very happy bro
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
