We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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