...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
