$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We got so high we made milksteak
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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