I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
