Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dicks are not precious.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
