I am puke
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
