i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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