The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
