I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
