so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
