You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
