Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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