jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
