If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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