My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
