I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
