i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
