he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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