nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
