Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
