I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
