How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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