yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
