Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
