he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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