I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
