8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
