is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
